The Dual Attunement Frame in Brainspotting
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC When I first heard about Brainspotting’s dual attunement frame, I assumed it was just what therapists call “holding space.” When a therapist holds space for a client, they use their mental and emotional energy and presence to support the therapy work the client is doing. My view of the dual attunement frame was expanded and deepened, however, by the background reading for a masterclass I took this past January with Dr. David Grand, the developer of Brainspotting, called “Brainspotting from a Neuroexperiential Perspective.” The two parts of the dual attunement frame are the therapist-client relationship and the brain-body focus of Brainspotting. The frame uses the wisdom inherent in a client’s nervous system to help them to heal. Early in his career, Dr. Grand trained as a psychoanalyst, which informed the development of Brainspotting. The structure of psychoanalysis led to the frame. Free association led to Brainspotting’s focused mindfulness processing. His experience with psychoanalysis also taught him that a client can feel the support of the therapist even when the therapist is silent. When, in his study of the human brain, Dr. Grand learned that it has up to one quadrillion connections, he realized that he couldn’t possibly know what was going on inside a client’s brain, which felt freeing to him. He used the dual attunement frame to listen and observe very carefully in sessions; he did not make assumptions about what was going on with the client. This led to his version of the uncertainty principle: you can’t know what is going on in the nervous system of the client, but “you don’t have to know what it is to know that it is.”[i] Dr. Grand uses the analogy of a comet to explain the importance of following a client’s internal process. In this analogy, the client is the head of the comet. The therapist’s job is to get in the tail of the comet and stay there, following the client wherever they go. Thus, the therapist must adjust the frame to accommodate the client’s internal process. Following the client’s lead doesn’t just mean listening carefully to what they say; it also includes paying close attention to eye positions and other physical cues, as well as tuning in to the client’s emotional and mental state. This level of attunement lets the client know, on a deep level, that the therapist is fully present with them and is available to co-regulate with them. Dr. Grand makes it clear that the flexibility of the frame is a central part of Brainspotting. In his December 2025 paper “The Frame and Its Vicissitudes” he asserts that “[t]he Brainspotting frame is the heart of the method, and understanding its vicissitudes—how it shifts, adapts, expands, contracts, and stabilizes—is essential to understanding Brainspotting itself.”[ii] Dr. Grand further highlights the importance of the frame by saying, “The frame is the vessel through which the therapist communicates ‘I am here with you. I am following you. I trust you. And I am holding this time and space with you.’”[iii] Each of my therapeutic specialties has deepened and expanded my practice as I have incorporated it into my therapeutic style. The flexibility and adaptability of Brainspotting’s dual attunement frame is now an essential part of the way I work. If you’re curious about how it might contribute to your healing, fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590. [i] Grand, David, PhD, “The Frame and Its Vicissitudes” (2025), 5. [ii] Grand, David, PhD. “The Frame and Its Vicissitudes” (2025), 3. [iii] Grand, David, PhD. “The Frame and Its Vicissitudes” (2025), 11.
IFS and Attachment
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC You’ve probably heard people talking about attachment styles and using the terms anxious, secure, avoidant, and disorganized. You’ve probably also heard people say that your attachment style was solely determined by your relationships with your parents, particularly your mother, when you were an infant, and that your attachment style, once established, is unchangeable. As it turns out, reality might not be quite that straightforward. A study by Keely Dugan, now an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Missouri, showed that early childhood relationships with friends, in addition to relationships with parents, influence our attachment styles. Psychiatrist Amir Levine, coauthor of a 2010 book titled Attached, asserts that, because people’s brains remain plastic throughout their lives, it’s possible to change our attachment styles by forming secure relationships. He uses the acronym CARRP (consistent, available, responsive, reliable, and predictable) to describe the combination of qualities necessary to form (and maintain) secure relationships.[i] A healthy relationship between a therapist and a client can fulfill the criteria for CARRP. One of the goals of therapy, of course, is to transition from the therapist providing the secure relationship to the client providing it for themselves. IFS therapy is ideally suited to this process. If we examine attachment styles through an IFS lens, we can look at anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles as the results of interactions between a protector part and an exile. The exile wants to connect with another person, but the protector thinks it’s too dangerous and tries to stop the exile from doing so. With an anxious attachment, the protector doesn’t want to allow the exile to connect with another person because they’re afraid the exile will be rejected or abandoned. The protector is not, however, completely successful in keeping the exile hidden. If a person has an avoidant attachment with someone else, it’s likely that a protector part is successfully keeping the exile, who wants to be emotionally close to another person, firmly under wraps. A person with a disorganized attachment likely swings back and forth between the two. Let’s use the metaphor of young twins, with the older twin being the protector and the younger twin being the exile, to illustrate these. Imagine that the twins are in their bedroom. The younger twin wants attention from their mother, so she starts to leave the room to go find her. The older twin is afraid their mom will get mad if her sister interrupts her while she’s in the middle of something, so she tries to block the door. If a person has an anxious attachment to another person, the younger twin (the exile) often succeeds in getting out of the room, despite the efforts of her sister (the protector). In the case of an avoidant attachment, the older twin is able to keep the younger twin in the room; she may even be able to keep her away from the door entirely. If the attachment is disorganized, neither twin consistently wins the battle. Why is it that these protector parts, who are barely older than the exiles they’re protecting, feel like they need to be the ones to keep the exiles safe? Because they don’t trust the Self (who, when the internal family system is working well, is like a healthy parent) to do it. When they took on their protective roles, the Self couldn’t keep them or the exiles safe, so they still don’t trust the Self, even years later. There’s actually a good chance that your young protector parts don’t know how old you are. They probably think you’re still a child. Letting them know your actual age is a step towards establishing trust in the Self, because adults have more power than children do. Successful IFS therapy often starts with your protectors learning to trust the therapist’s Self. Over time, your protectors will learn to trust your Self, as well. This is important, because you’re the only person who can be with your young parts 24/7! If you would like me to help you to establish trusting relationships between your Self and your parts, fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590. [i] https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2026/07/30/scientists-say-this-is-reason-some-relationships-flourish-others-flop/
What Does Depression Look Like?
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC When you think of depression, what comes to mind? Some people say they’re depressed when what they actually mean is that they’re really unhappy. On the other end of the spectrum, many people assume that if they’re able to get out of bed in the morning, they must not be depressed. Depression comes in many forms, some more obvious than others. If the thought of getting out of bed, let alone showering, getting dressed, and doing your usual daily activities, is too exhausting to even contemplate, it’s not hard to guess that you’re probably depressed. But if it’s less extreme than that, or if it only happens in certain situations, it can be easier to miss. And, just to confuse matters further, there can be a lot of overlap between depression and anxiety, so it’s not always clear whether you’re experiencing one or the other or both. Depression doesn’t generally come on suddenly and hit you like a ton of bricks. It’s more likely to sneak up on you gradually, which means that you might miss the signs. In fact, the nature of depression can make it hard for you to identify it, so sometimes other people figure it out before you do. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), the symptoms of depression (in addition to depressed mood) include changes in appetite or sleep, decreased energy, low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, and feeling hopeless. Probably the best-known forms of depression are major depressive disorder and persistent depressive disorder (or dysthymia). The criteria for major depressive disorder specify that an episode must last at least two weeks. The symptoms of dysthymia aren’t as extreme as those of major depressive disorder, but they last longer: a minimum of two years for adults, or one year for children and adolescents. Dysthymia can easily be misidentified as just being someone’s personality, especially given the fact that it lasts such a long time. If someone has been unhappy for as long as they can remember, does it occur to them or others that things could change for the better, or do people just assume that they’re an Eeyore type of person and will be that way forever? Some types of depression are more extreme versions of what other people may experience in similar situations. An example is what is generally called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD most commonly shows up in the winter, although some people experience it during the summer. Given that a lot of people dislike the shorter winter days and might slow down and feel less cheerful, it can be difficult to know when it crosses over into depression. Other situational forms of depression, like PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and PPD (post-partum depression) are related to hormonal changes. Again, these are more extreme versions of what other people may experience under the same circumstances, so identifying them as depression can be tricky. The severity of symptoms is the criterion that is used to determine whether clinical depression is present; symptoms need to significantly interfere with someone’s personal or professional life to qualify for a depression diagnosis. One of the worst things about depression is that it makes it hard to imagine things getting better. Another is that many of the things that help to lessen the symptoms, like exercise, socializing with others, and spending time in nature, require a level of energy and motivation that can be hard to come by if you’re experiencing depression. This is why support from others is so important. If you’re feeling depressed, someone else can hold the belief that you can get better, even when it seems impossible to you. If you need help getting out of the pit of depression, the first step can be relatively small, like filling out a contact form. You can also book a free 15-minute phone consultation with me or call or text me at 410-888-0590. You deserve to feel better, and I would love to help you to do so.
If It Doesn’t Have Your Name On It, Don’t Pick It Up
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC These are wise words from Codependents Anonymous (CoDA), and a helpful reminder not to take on responsibility that doesn’t belong to you. Like a lot of great advice, though, it is often easier said than done. What happens if you didn’t pick up something (like emotional responsibility for a parent) voluntarily, or even knowingly? What if it was handed to you before you were born? What if it was actually handed down through your family for generations? I’ve worked with many clients over the years who were negatively affected by familial patterns when they were growing up. With very few exceptions, these negative effects weren’t intentional. My clients’ parents/caregivers simply didn’t know any other way to be; they were just following the examples set by their parents, and probably their parents’ parents. It can be easy to assume that you had no reason to be unhappy with your childhood if you had a roof over your head, clothes to wear, and food to eat, especially if one or both of your parents had it harder than you did. You might worry that the emotional pain you feel isn’t legitimate. You might also worry that admitting you carry pain from childhood means that you’re blaming your parents. Actually, there is no need to assign blame. Two things can be true at the same time: your parents did the best they could with what they had, and you did not get what you needed from them. There’s a good chance that at least part of the trauma you’re dealing with is generational trauma; it didn’t start with you, or even with your parents, but was handed down through multiple generations.[i] One way that generational trauma can be handed down is through learned behaviors. For instance, if one of your grandparents had a serious car accident, it might have made them a nervous driver. That nervousness might have been passed down to one of your parents, and then to you. Trauma isn’t just handed down through behaviors, though. It can also be passed down through genes. Epigenetics is the study of changes in the ways that genes are expressed. Aspects of the physical environment can create epigenetic changes, but traumatic experiences can, too. There is evidence to suggest that trauma-induced epigenetic changes can be passed on from parents to children.[ii] Luckily, the therapeutic techniques I prefer (Internal Family Systems, EMDR, Brainspotting, and sandtray therapy) don’t just heal trauma that occurred in your lifetime; they can also heal generational trauma. An example of this is what Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy calls “legacy unburdening.” If you’re doing a legacy unburdening, you hand the burdens of inherited trauma back through the generations of your family; the family member who is the farthest back releases the burden. They then take in a positive quality to replace it, and hand that down the line, from one person to the next, until it gets to you. If you’re thinking that sounds really woo-woo, I get it. It sounded that way to me, too, until I experienced a legacy unburdening of my own and realized what a powerful healing process it can be. If you picked up an unhelpful pattern of thinking, feeling, or behaving without realizing it, or if it was handed to you before you were old enough to even have a choice, I can help you to put it down. If you’re ready to let go of things that shouldn’t have been yours in the first place, fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590. [i] https://health.clevelandclinic.org/generational-trauma [ii] Cooper, A. (June 12, 2024). “Can trauma be inherited through genes?” National Geographic. https://apple.news/Ajp_cp-ySQ96H_u6lVnbw8g
You Were Not Born Codependent
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC Think about the last time that someone important to you was upset and you didn’t know why. How did you react? Did you express sympathy and offer them support, if appropriate, without being drawn into the feelings yourself? Maybe, instead, you found yourself wondering if you did (or didn’t do) something that made them upset, even if there was no evidence to support that idea. If your first instinct was to take responsibility for their feelings, you may be codependent. And if you are codependent, you probably learned that coping mechanism when you were a very young child. Young children are narcissistic by nature; they believe that they are the cause of everything that happens in their world. Therefore, if one of their caregivers is upset, they believe it is their fault. And they assume that if they are responsible for their caregivers’ feelings, they must also be able to change those feelings; they just have to figure out what they’re doing wrong so they can fix it. If a parent is an alcoholic or has something else going on that makes them unable to adequately meet their child’s needs, an unhealthy dynamic develops. The child knows when their parent is unhappy and assumes it’s their fault. The parent is unable or unwilling to take appropriate responsibility for their own feelings and actions, thus directly or indirectly supporting the child’s belief that they, not the parent, are the source of whatever is going on. This is the heart of codependency. Someone who grows up in this sort of family often develops the belief that it’s their job to take responsibility for the thoughts, feelings, and actions of other people. Because this pattern develops in childhood, their unconscious assumption is that if they take responsibility for the other person in a relationship, that person will, in turn, take care of them, as their caregivers should have done when they were kids. A codependent person might be labeled a people pleaser and told that they have control issues. They may be accused of being manipulative. A codependent person who tries to control and manipulate others isn’t generally an evil puppet master trying to pull other people’s strings, though; they’re trying to keep themselves safe. As a child, they learned to try to manipulate their parents into taking care of them so that they would survive. People who are codependent don’t learn effective ways of being in relationship and handling emotions because they don’t see those things being modeled by their parents. They may become aware, at some point, that there are healthier ways to interact with other people than the ones they learned, but it might not even occur to them to try to learn those approaches themselves. They’ve only known one way of being in the world, and they probably assume that it’s just how they were made. And if that’s true, they might not see a point to trying to change. The truth is that no one is born codependent, and things that can be learned can also be unlearned. If you are codependent, I can help you to develop more effective ways of being in relationship with others. If that would be of interest to you, please fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590.
All Parts Are Welcome With IFS
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC Take a moment to consider some of the aspects of yourself that you don’t like. For instance, you may be very critical of yourself. Perhaps you bend over backwards to make everyone else happy. Maybe you tend to fade into the woodwork so as not to call attention to yourself. Have you ever wished you could get rid of those parts of yourself? Many people think that we need to banish thoughts and behaviors that aren’t serving us. They don’t know that everyone has many parts, and these ways of thinking and acting are roles that parts take on in a sincere but misguided attempt to help us. In most cases, the roles these parts take on are developed when we are very young. When we’re that young, we have few resources, very little power, and a very basic (often incorrect) understanding of the world. When we encounter situations that feel scary or dangerous to us, we face them with limited toolkits, but we manage to find coping mechanisms to get us through. In IFS terms, this process involves two different types of parts. Exiles are vulnerable, wounded parts. Protectors are parts that try to protect exiles or, in some cases, try to protect the system as a whole from exiles (if they think the exiles might overwhelm the system). The problem is that the protectors are essentially only moments older than the exiles, because when one part feels threatened, another part immediately takes on the role of its protector. Picture an exile and a protector as a pair of young twins. Imagine one twin is getting yelled at by their mother, and her sister (who is a few minutes older than she is) jumps in between them and tries to protect her. Maybe this works temporarily, possibly by distracting their mother. From that moment on, the older twin takes on a protector role; she believes it’s her job to keep her sister (the exile) safe. This is the dynamic that is created when one internal part decides that it’s their job to protect another part. It’s one thing to use the unsophisticated forms of protection that we develop as children when we’re, say, four years old. It’s quite another thing to still be using them when we’re 24, or 44, or 64. And yet, that’s what people do if they don’t learn other ways to deal with difficult situations. Maybe you’re thinking that if these protector parts are so unsophisticated and ineffective, it does make sense to banish them. Think back to the pair of twins, though. Would you banish the older twin because she wasn’t qualified to protect her sister? Of course not! A better option would be for a caring adult to let the older twin know that she doesn’t have to keep her sister safe, because the adult will do it. The adult and child can work together to find something more age-appropriate for her to do, like play a game with her little sister. What kinds of situations might lead to the development of the defense mechanisms I mentioned at the beginning of this post? A self-critical voice might arise if a part of you thinks it would hurt less if you criticized yourself before someone else could do it. Or it might be an attempt to motivate you to do everything perfectly so that bad things won’t happen to you. People pleasing is a very common coping mechanism. It’s usually an attempt to stay safe by making other people happy, because if they’re happy, they probably won’t hurt you. It also often involves hoping that if you take care of other people, they’ll take care of you in return. Some children learn to fade into the woodwork when they realize that being noticed can be physically and/or emotionally dangerous to them. This creates an unfortunate paradox, though, because all children need and crave attention. When you need to be noticed, but you’re also afraid of being noticed, you’re kind of stuck! One of the main goals of IFS is to help protector parts to find appropriate, reasonable jobs. This may mean doing something completely different from the role they originally took on, or it may just mean dialing the intensity down. For instance, a less extreme version of the self-critical voice can actually be helpful, because it can encourage you to find more effective ways of accomplishing tasks. The problem comes when it goes too far and makes you feel like a failure. Which of the parts I mentioned here sound familiar to you? Are there ones I didn’t list that you’ve identified in yourself? IFS therapy can help your parts to let go of unrealistic expectations of themselves and find more appropriate roles. If this sounds good to you and your parts, fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590.
The Benefits Of Mindfulness
Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC What do you imagine when you think about meditation? Do you picture a guru sitting cross-legged on top of a mountain for hours on end, their mind completely clear of thoughts? If so, meditation probably doesn’t feel like something you could do, even though you may have heard how beneficial it can be. Luckily, meditation is much more accessible than that! There are many types of meditation, but the one I most often recommend to clients is mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation can help lessen the symptoms of depression and anxiety and lower blood pressure. It can relieve stress associated with chronic medical conditions, leading to a better quality of life. It can even, in some cases, ease physical symptoms.[i] Mindfulness meditation starts with something to focus on, most often your breath. You can do that in different ways. One way is to mentally say “in” as you slowly breathe in, and “out” as you slowly breathe out. Another way is to count the number or lengths of your inhales and exhales. When thoughts come up, as they inevitably will, you just notice them without judgment and then let them go. Some people picture putting post-it notes on the thoughts with the word “thought” on them. Others imagine the thought floating away down a river. I often picture the thought as a balloon (an environmentally friendly balloon!) floating away into the sky. After you let go of the thought, you go back to focusing on your breath, returning as many times as you need to, without judgment about how many times you do so. [i] https://www.ummhealth.org/services-treatments/center-mindfulness/benefits-mindfulness Getting Started With Mindfulness Meditation Many people assume that you have to meditate for at least thirty minutes at a time. You don’t. In fact, I suggest that you start with a much shorter period of time, five minutes at most. It’s a lot easier to carve out five minutes in your day than it is to find a free half hour or hour. Starting with shorter meditations also helps to keep you from getting bored and giving up on meditating entirely. If you’ve never done mindfulness meditation before, I recommend starting with the Headspace app. It’s a great introduction to mindfulness meditation, and it has a lot of helpful features. It’s a paid app, though, so if you don’t want to take on another subscription fee, I recommend that you use Headspace long enough to get comfortable with meditation, then switch to a free app like Insight Timer. Cultivating Mindfulness In Your Everyday Life Mindfulness goes beyond meditation. In addition to the benefits of meditation that I mentioned above, mindfulness offers a new way of looking at yourself and your actions. Remember the idea of observing thoughts without judging them? You can do that at any point during your day, not just when you’re meditating. When you feel like you’re stuck in a particular thought or emotion, you always have the option of stepping back and observing it nonjudgmentally, then letting it go if it isn’t serving you. In IFS (Internal Family Systems) terms, you’re unblending from the part of you that is holding the feeling so that you’re no longer fully identified with it. For instance, rather than thinking “I am resentful,” you could say “I am feeling resentment, and I can choose to let that resentment go.” In our fast-paced world, taking time to slow down can feel unrealistic. Think, though, about how much easier it would be to deal with all of that busyness if you could cultivate a sense of calm anytime, anywhere. And think about how much better you would feel if you could let go of judging yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings! As helpful as it is to learn to nonjudgmentally let go of thoughts and feelings, it’s also possible to go deeper than that. I use EMDR, IFS, Brainspotting, and sandtray therapy to help clients to get to the roots of their negative thinking patterns and change them. If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, fill out a contact form, schedule a free consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590. And don’t forget to check out the Headspace app!
Authenticity vs Attachment in Dysfunctional Families
Jennifer Beall In the video below, Dr. Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician and author, speaks of the conflict between attachment needs and the need for authenticity. This conflict is present, to one extent or another, in all parent-child relationships, but it is particularly problematic in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families. The first need Dr. Maté describes is the need for attachment. As infants, our attachments to our parents or other caregivers are necessary for our survival. This need for human connection, forming attachments in our society and social groups, continues throughout our lives. Attachment isn’t our only survival need; authenticity is also essential. We need to know who we are. We need to be in touch with our bodies and our emotions. We need to be able to trust our instincts. Knowing who we are is not enough, though; we also need to be able to own our truths and safely express them in relationships. The problem comes when the need for attachment and the need for authenticity are in conflict. No parent is able to be perfectly attuned to their child. Even a parent who is actively trying to nurture their child’s sense of self will have times when they unconsciously communicate to them that they are not acceptable as they are. When this happens, the child suppresses their self-expression in order to maintain that essential attachment bond. Losing touch with our essential selves has many long-term consequences, including addictions and mental and physical health problems. While some level of this conflict between attachment and authenticity happens with all parents and children, it happens much more in a dysfunctional family, because the parents’ mental, emotional, and sometimes physical issues interfere with their ability to meet their children’s needs. In such a family, attachment is tenuous at best. In order for the attachment between a parent and child to be healthy, consistency is needed. In a dysfunctional family that consistency is not there; in many cases this is because at least one parent is emotionally unpredictable. The other members of the family, particularly the children, never know what they’re going to get. The parent may be loving and happy one moment and angry and violent the next. When the parent-child bond is so fragile, the child devotes a great deal of time and energy to trying to maintain the connection. The child’s autonomy is sacrificed in the process. It often doesn’t occur to the child that this is what is happening. It can take years before they start to wonder who they really are. They’ve spent so much of their life trying to conform to others’ needs and desires that they need to learn how to identify their own. This is where therapy comes in. The therapist-client relationship shows clients that it is possible to be themselves and not be rejected. They learn to identify and accept their emotions. They begin to relearn who they are and what they like. They are then able to develop healthy relationships outside of the therapy room. Does this conflict between competing needs sound familiar to you? If so, you’re not alone. Many of my clients come to me for therapy because they realize that they don’t know who they are, and they decide that they want to do something about it. If you’ve recognized this attachment/authenticity struggle in yourself and you’re ready to reclaim your identity, please fill out a contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ
EMDR and Attachment Wounds
Jennifer Beall There are a couple of ways that I use EMDR to help clients to heal attachment wounds. One is establishing what are called “attachment resources” that I use with the standard EMDR protocol. The other is a preverbal EMDR protocol. Most EMDR therapists, before getting to the stage where they start EMDR processing with a client, do what is called “installing resources.” EMDR can be an intense process, and it’s important to provide clients with tools to make it manageable. Many EMDR therapists install two basic resources. The first is a (mental) container which can be used to temporarily store disturbing thoughts and feelings until it’s possible to process them. The second is a place that a client can go in their mind that feels calm, safe, peaceful, or whatever is most helpful to them. In addition to these two resources, I install three attachment resources. These include a nurturer, a protector, and a wise figure. In my experience, more people than not who seek therapy have at least some attachment issues, and these resources can be very helpful. All three of the attachment resources can be useful during EMDR processing. For instance, if someone is processing a memory of having felt abandoned, it can be helpful to bring in their nurturer. If they’re dealing with a frightening memory, they can bring in their protector; this can empower them to face the fear, knowing that they have backup in case they can’t handle it by themselves. If a client gets stuck during processing and is going around in circles (which is called “looping”), they can bring in their wise figure to help them to get unstuck. Attachment resources aren’t the only way I address attachment issues in EMDR, though. I also offer a preverbal EMDR protocol. The standard EMDR protocol starts with traumatic memories and the negative thoughts that a client internalizes as a result of those traumas. This works well for traumas that happened after the client was able to form conscious memories (usually around age three or four). For traumas that happened before age three or four, though, I use the preverbal EMDR protocol. It can even heal traumas that occurred before the client was born! If you’ve read other things I’ve written about EMDR, you probably know that I say it “resets the brain to factory specifications.” As true as that is for the standard protocol, it’s even more true for the preverbal protocol. Attachment wounds start early, long before age three or four. The most important lessons a child learns about how the world works are learned in the first few years of life. Children learn to feel safe or unsafe based largely upon whether their caregivers are responsive to their needs in those early years. If a trauma is preverbal, the standard protocol won’t work because you don’t have a concrete memory and a negative statement of self-belief that you can use. Instead, the preverbal protocol goes by time periods, starting with “Where were you before you were conceived?” (Yes, we go ALL the way back!) Next comes conception, then the first trimester of pregnancy, the second trimester of pregnancy, etc. I ask clients to notice any emotions or physical sensations that arise during processing, and we work through them. After we’ve finished processing a time period, we install something positive related to that period. That may be something that came up during processing, or it may be an “ideal universe” version of that phase of development. Each client’s experience of the preverbal protocol is different. It’s probably my favorite version of EMDR, because my clients have experienced such profound healing with it. The preverbal protocol and the attachment resources I install before doing the standard EMDR protocol enable healing that few other types of therapy can offer. If attachment-related EMDR sounds like something you might be interested in trying, please fill out a contact form, book a free consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590.
Harry Potter and the Adverse Childhood Experiences
Jennifer Beall My daughter, April, works at an after-school program that has theater games classes in addition to dance and piano. She recently told me that one of the games included kids quoting Ron Weasley (in the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone movie) saying to Harry “Not me. Not Hermione. You!” The quote is from the scene with the live-action, potentially deadly game of wizard chess that Ron, Hermione, and Harry were playing. It had been a long time since I’d watched the movie, so I decided to re-watch that scene. I watched Ron assign roles to Harry and Hermione, choose the role of knight for himself, then put the opposing king in check, knowing that the queen would strike him down. It was the first movie in the Harry Potter series, so Harry, Ron, and Hermione were VERY young. It would be hard enough for an adult to risk his life like that, let alone a tween boy like Ron. If you’re familiar with Harry Potter, you know that this was the pattern throughout the series: kids risking their lives with (in most cases) no adults around to help. The students at Hogwarts also experienced non-magical traumas, of course. Draco Malfoy and his associates Crabbe and Goyle were bullies. Hermione was made fun of because her parents weren’t wizards. Harry lost his parents and, later, his godfather, who had become like a father to him. In my decades as a psychotherapist, I’ve heard many stories of the traumas my clients endured as children, both at school and at home. And just as often as I’ve heard those stories, I’ve heard my clients wonder why no adult was there to help them. They’ve often pointed out that there was evidence that should have let teachers or other adults know that something was wrong, and yet nobody came to their rescue. From 1995 to 1997, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente conducted an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study[i] to see what long-term negative mental and physical health effects abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction might have on children. The study found that the more ACEs a person had, the more likely they were to develop habits (including smoking, lack of physical activity, and substance abuse) that could lead to health problems. A higher ACE score increased the probability of many mental and physical health problems, including cancer, depression, diabetes, heart disease, and stroke, among others. Here is a quiz that assesses some of the possible adverse experiences a child might experience; it is much less comprehensive than the original study, but it covers the main points. [ii] [i] https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html [ii] https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ACE-Questionnaire-for-Adults-Identified-English-rev.7.26.22.pdf If you’re like most of my clients, you probably added up the number of ACEs you experienced and judged your right to feel traumatized accordingly. Many people think that they don’t have any right to feel traumatized because they don’t believe what happened to them was serious enough. That isn’t helpful, and it isn’t true. In fact, the accumulation of seemingly minor traumas over time is much more harmful than you might think. No matter how many ACEs you did or didn’t have, you deserve to heal, and I would like to help you to do that. You can fill out a contact form, book a free 15-minute phone consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590 to discuss what that might look like.