Jennifer Beall
Gemma Correll’s graphic memoir describes her experiences with anxiety and depression. She does an impressive job of conveying the effects of mental illness in her self-deprecating humorous style.
The memoir depicts Anxietyland, a metaphorical theme park dedicated to her anxiety. The theme park contains such “attractions” as The Worry-Go-Round, The Control Freak Show, The Incredible Shrinking Comfort Zone, and The Parade of Therapists.
In the introduction, she describes a weeks-long anxiety attack that eventually landed her in the hospital. She then introduces her anxiety, The Bad Feeling that she first noticed when she was a child. The Bad Feeling constantly made her feel like something bad was going to happen, while also criticizing her and comparing her negatively to other people. She never talked to anyone about The Bad Feeling, which only increased its power over her.
She thought she was the only one who felt that way, and she didn’t want anyone to know about it. She got into the habit of telling people she was fine so they would think she was “good” and wouldn’t judge her. She became a people-pleaser, and she developed social anxiety.
The memoir alternates between her past and present. The panels representing the past have a red theme, while the panels representing the present have a blue theme. I didn’t realize this at first, and I was confused at the sudden switching back and forth. Once I figured it out, it made much more sense. (I’m sure my daughter, the art major, would have noticed right away!)
She writes about the onset of her panic attacks and the ways she tried to prevent them, including going to a lot of trouble to avoid potentially triggering situations. She tried other ways to cope, too, including drinking alcohol and working long hours. She developed agoraphobia and had some episodes of dissociation. She didn’t realize until much later that she also had depression.
She describes her experiences with treatment, including inpatient and outpatient hospital programs, and, once she was stabilized, individual therapy.
The descriptions of her experiences with medication will probably sound familiar to a lot of people who have taken psychiatric medications. She was skeptical at first, and then found that it made a noticeable difference. Despite the fact that the medication was working, she stopped taking it more than once. Sometimes, she listened to people who told her that she should treat her depression with lifestyle changes or unproven supplements. At other times, she thought she didn’t need it because she was feeling better.
She eventually accepted it as an important part of her healing journey. (She mentioned in the introduction to the book that she hates the use of the word “journey” in talking about mental health, but she used it anyway!)
Her experiences with individual therapy were mixed. She met with some pretty unusual individual therapists, including a hypnotherapist who had a bunch of clown dolls in her office.
She did finally find a therapist who specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy (often called Exposure and Response Prevention therapy, or ERP). Approaches like these are essential to help clients to get panic disorder and agoraphobia under control. I do believe, though, that once she was stabilized, she would have benefited from a “bottom-up” therapy approach to help her get to the root of her negative self-talk.
At the end of the book, she imagined telling younger versions of herself the things that would have enabled her to get help sooner. She also told them that asking for help is brave, not a sign of weakness.
Are you able to relate to her experience? Would you like to find ways to cope with, and even to heal, your own anxiety? While I am not an ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapist, I do sometimes use CBT with clients, and my “bottom up” approaches to therapy can help you to heal from traumas that can lead to negative self-talk like Gemma Correll’s. If you’d like to know how I might be able to help you with anxiety, fill out the contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590.