Jennifer Beall
This morning Finn and I were doing our walk around the neighborhood when we saw our neighbor Andy and his dog, Stevie. (I’ve changed their names in case there are doggie HIPAA laws!) Stevie has been having seizures for several years now. At some point, instead of asking if he’d had a seizure since we’d last seen each other, I started asking Andy if Stevie was still on the wagon, as if he were in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
This morning, unfortunately, the answer was no. Stevie had had two seizures in two days, including one on a walk. Andy said, “But they’ll welcome him back with a cup of coffee and a doughnut!” and I said, “Yes, he can get his 24-hour chip!”
That’s one of the best things about AA. No matter how many times you relapse, they’ll always welcome you back with open arms.
Over the years, I’ve had many clients who have found AA to be helpful, and some who just haven’t been interested, for one reason or another. Some have tried a meeting or two and just didn’t find a connection. Some have been turned off by the more fanatical members of the fellowship. Others don’t like the emphasis on finding a “higher power.”
For those clients who don’t like the higher power idea (which doesn’t, by the way, necessarily have to be God), I suggest SMART recovery, a secular alternative to AA.
The greatest benefits of AA, in my opinion, are support and accountability.
A newcomer to an AA meeting will likely be approached afterwards by people who welcome them and offer to give them their phone numbers so they can call them if they feel like they’re going to drink.
If someone attends AA meetings long enough, they will be urged to get a sponsor and begin “working the steps.” This is one of the ways in which AA provides accountability. It can be easier to resist drinking if you know that you have a sponsor that you’ll be reporting to at some point.
I love the fact that AA is a place for people to share their stories, hear other people share theirs, and realize they’re not alone. It also provides options for socialization without the pressure to drink. A good sponsor can offer encouragement and advice drawn from their own experiences. And the 12 steps aren’t just useful for recovery from alcohol; they can be a way to become your best self.
As with every human institution, though, AA has its issues. There are the people who, given the opportunity, will monopolize meetings. There are people who “cross talk,” which means that they offer feedback on what others say rather than just thanking them for sharing. (AA provides peer support, but it is not the same as group therapy. Because there is no therapist leading the meeting, “cross talk” can be counterproductive, and is discouraged.)
There are also people who will say that the moment they started attending meetings, their entire life changed and all of their problems went away. That isn’t true, of course, and a newcomer who hears that could easily assume they must be doing something wrong, because that hasn’t been their experience.
There are also a few things built into the structure of AA that I think can be counterproductive. One is that if someone is an addict in addition to being an alcoholic, they are not generally welcome to share their experiences of using. They’re only supposed to talk about drinking. This can discourage some people from going to AA meetings who could really benefit from them.
Another is that many AA members insist that people call themselves alcoholics and introduce themselves that way in meetings: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I’m an alcoholic.” (Some people get around this by saying something like “Hi, I’m Alex. I’m a grateful member of the program.”) In my opinion, people don’t necessarily need to identify as alcoholics to decide that they want to do something about their drinking. I tell my clients that if their drinking is causing problems in their personal and/or professional lives, then it makes sense to do something about it. It doesn’t really matter what they call themselves.
A big part of AA is how long you’ve been sober. While it makes sense to celebrate milestones (24 hours, 30 days, 90 days, six months, a year, etc.), it’s very black and white thinking to assume that having one drink can undo years of sobriety. I prefer the idea that the person who took a drink was “doing more research” into whether it was ok for them to drink. They did more research and, if they realized it still wasn’t a good idea, they stopped. That way, one slip doesn’t ruin everything.
For that matter, it’s best for people to choose their own goals for drinking. If they want to try to drink less, but not quit entirely, they should be able to do that, and determine whether it might work for them.
Despite its flaws, I believe AA is, on balance, a very good thing. AA works best, though, in conjunction with therapy. If you’re interested in exploring the possibility of therapy to help you work through issues that trigger or exacerbate your drinking, fill out the contact form, book a consultation, or call or text me at 410-888-0590.